Supot

750 pesos.

naalala ko, ito yung damit na binalik-balikan ko sa Glorietta. palagi ko itong iniikutan. sinukat ko. tinitigan, tapos ibinalik ko na sa rack. tumalikod na ko at pinasok ang aking kamay sa aking bulsa. may mangilan-ngilan ding barya akong nakapa. mga papel. resibo.

papel?

"thanks for helping me out kanina sa class, i owe you one. treat kita minsan"

yun yung mga linyang nakasulat sa maliit at dilaw na sticky note. magulo ang pagkakasulat. parang nagmamadali. mukhang nanginginig ang mga kamay. madiin. pero puno ng sinseridad at pagpapasalamat.

sus. para yun lang. nasabi ko lang naman sa kanya ng palihim habang wala sa ulirat ang Trainer na nagtatanong. nabanggit ko lang naman na salary ang other term for the word emolument. napapahiya na kasi siya. at alam kong ayaw nya yun.

hindi lang yun ang unang beses na naging knight in shining armor ako. hindi naman siya palaging damsel in distress pero nagkakataon na may mga negatrons sa paligid niya. hindi maubos kaya minsan, naisip ko na magvolunteer na maging tagapagtanggol nya. taga tahi ng butones na biglaang natanggal. taga-punas ng kape na tumapon sa damit niya. taga sabi na may ipis sa likuran niya. yung mga yun. mga simpleng ek ek sa buhay na pakiramdam ko e nakakatuwa sa pakiramdam ko na maging tagapagtanggol at tagapag silbi niya.

hindi naman siya tahasang humihingi. kadalasan nga ay palagian na siya ang nagooffer ng kung ano ang meron at kung ano ang kaya nyang ibigay. hindi siya madamot. makapal siya maglagay ng gel sa buhok. at palagi niyang tinitignan ang sintas ng sapatos nya kung nakatali ng maayos.

mga bagay na napapansin ko ng hindi niya alam. hindi niya nahahalata na minsan ay nabilang ko kung ilang beses nya pinagpag ang panyo niya minsang malaglag ito sa sahig. sinubukan kong hiramin at sa kanyang pagkagulat, pinagpag muna ng makailang ulit bago niya inabot saakin.

lumabas ako sa mall. naglakad ng palayo. malalaki ang hakbang na ginawa ko. habang nasa loob ng aking bulsa ang aking mga kamay, pilit ko iniisip kung bagay nga ba saakin yung damit na yun. kung tutuusin, mahal para sa isang simpleng damit. manipis ang tela. malambot. pero maganda sa hubog ng aking katawan, bagay sa okasyong aking dadaluhan. iba ang dating. ibang iba lalo na ng sukatin ko sa fitting room. sa harapan ng salamin, inamin ko na bagay ito saakin. na gusto ko ang damit na yun. na maraming beses ko siyang isusuot.

pero hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit hinubad ko iyon. dahan dahang inayos ang pagkakalukot. maayos na ibinalik sa pagkakasabit.

gustong gusto ko siya dahil sa kabila ng mga ugali niya na nakatutuwa naman, may iba sa kanya na hindi ko kaylanman nakita o hahanapin sa iba.

pero mas pinili ko na iwan ang isang taong alam ko na may patutunguhan.

kagaya ng damit na aking tinalikuran.

sa aking pagbalik, kahit na akin na itong bibilhin... at sana'y mamahalin,

nakasupot na at iba na ang may bitbit.

Havoc

traumatic.

i don't know if i am going to watch the news or not. i want to be updated on the latest about our country's situation after the havoc last September 26th. but as much as i want to know how i can help in my own little way, i can't stand to watch the pain in their eyes. the struggles. the tears. the trauma.

part of me is still wishing that this is just a bad dream. where i can wake up and tell myself that it was just a nightmare. that everything is reversible. it's easy i guess if i or we have super powers that could control the situation. or at least, lessen the agony and the fury. but in reality, i cannot posses the power to wash away the sufferings of those people who were greatly affected by the typhoon.

it's not easy to be stranded for 4 hours and having to walk for almost 6 kilometers with raging flood up to waist level just to be able to go home. but it's a lot like lying on a water bed compared to those who are in Marikina, Cainta and Pasig. i have friends who stay in Provident Village, Life Homes in Pasig, Rosario, and all other affected areas, and i feel in a way that i am responsible for them. i feel that i have to do whatever i can to extend any forms of help. even the smallest act of charity that i think, could help and assist them.

i just hope that the people from the government will use their resources and power to help and assist the victims who are in need. may they unite and extend their efforts in helping others, not to promote their candidacy for the coming elections, but to provide whatever they can to help other people recuperate from the calamity.

I have seen how Filipino people unite for the common good. Ondoy is not an exception. if we were able to rise from the other calamities and disturbances before, im sure we can do this now. let's keep our faith strong and trust Him in any ways. He won't fail us. not now. and He will bless us because GOD IS GOOD.

Myk2ts VS Ondoy

a simple act of charity can save lives. let's all do everything we can to help our fellowmen. for donations, rescue and assistance, take note on this:

SEND FULL ADDRESS of those who are stranded to:
Sen.Gordon: 09178997898 or 0938444BOYS
Sen.Villar: rescue text hotline: 09174226800, 09172414864, 09276751981
Rubber boat requests: 8383203, 8383354
Rescue dump trucks: 09174226800 or 09276751981
National Disaster Council: 9125668, 9111406, 9122665, 9115061.

God Bless Us.

Singular Individual

life can be oh so unfair. we can't get what we want and sometimes, even those we need, nadedelay. God has His way of giving us the things we deserve. in his own time. we can't give Him deadline and stuff.

i ask myself why i always end up falling in love with the wrong person. or maybe with the wrong gender. siguro kasi dapat sa babae na ko mainlab. hihihi. kaso kahit na isipin ko man, i simply can't. and then the big question will come straight to my face. "bakit yung iba, pwede?"

i will tap myself back to reality, and again, i'll tell myself na bawal ang inggitera.

i don't look good. and that is the factor i am looking at right now on why i am still considered as a "singular individual"

aside from my appearance, there is nothing wrong (i think) with the way i communicate and relate with other people. i've tried different things to prove it right, na kaya kong maging isang kainlab-inlab na nilalang kung mabibigyan ako ng chance. but just like the artista searches around the tv world, audition palang eh bagsak na. reason being? -- hindi mabenta. walang itsura. pangit.

that is why kailangan na mabigyan ng chance maipakita ang tunay na galing. ng tunay na kakayanan magmahal. because we are being judged with the way we look, not for who we are and what we can do.

all we need is a little chance. let us in and know us better.

but i know. i really sound BITTER.

can you blame me? after tons and tons and tons of rejections? rejections from prejudiced individuals who are carrying an over-bloated-ego head and they think that they are the superior type kasi matangos ang ilong nila and may six-pack abs sila.

i've heard that learning to love myself will make me feel better and when i start loving myself, people will start loving me too. tama. but not applicable in some ways. not in all cases.

i don't mean to sound this way. and i am only expressing what i feel. i am not pertaining to any one and i am only speaking for myself.

just because we don't look good doesn't mean we are incapable.

now, can i blame those who pretend just to belong?

i guess, starting now. i can't.