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Sa September 1 naman ang...

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Myk2ts on Kosa's Survey

i guess, this is my first (and hopefully, the last) unrated and ass-whoophing kind of entry. i was reading Kosa's entry about "survey" and i cant help but to react not on the content of his entry but with the reactions of those readers who respond. i've already tried to establish what my thoughts are with regard to this issue. i tried my best to pound my mind and soul on what and what not to say. i tried to pacify my thoughts on what other people's opinion regarding same-sex affair. i have nothing against the author, nor the respondents. i know that they are all entitled to make their opinion and i guess, so am i.

sinners. yes. that is what others may call us. but who's who to judge? being gay/lesbian doesn't make a person a lesser being. and by committing to someone, regardless of what gender and status in life, is not something kadiri or something unacceptable.

yeah. i am appalled with what other people has to say about same sex relationships. that is why i still believe that prejudice is the root of all evils/sins. yes. i respect opinions as much i respect and value the person's credibility. and as a rational species, we have the capacity to think, react and unfortunately, judge things around us. i ain't no saint. i also have my dark side. but as a member of the so-called "kadiri" kind of gender, it hurts to know that up until now, we are being misunderstood.

as if we are not allowed to love.
as if we are not allowed to show affection.
as if we are not allowed to express ourselves.

and times like these, i can't help but to wonder what's acceptable in this planet. what is right or wrong. what is normal or not. we are all created equal. created to love and be loved.

yes, God created Adam and Eve.
Adam for Eve and vice versa.

but sometimes we tend to underestimate our God. that He is a big God. a loving God and a forgiving God.

i remembered when i was in college, my professor asked me how would i handle a family after he knew that i have plans of having my own. i asked him back. i asked him what's wrong? will my sexuality makes me a lesser father to my children and provider to my family? i guess not. then he smiled at me. and the glance from his eyes conveyed a lot of thoughts and unspoken words.

i knew that day i made a difference. i made a point. i made sense.

and hopefully, other people will realize that we are also human beings.

flamboyant, loud, gay.

yeah, that's who we are.

and we are so damn proud of it!

Kaso Nga Hindi

"Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed"

the line from that song lingered. parang biko. dumikit sa kaibuturan ng puso at isip ko.

it's been nine months since i met this guy from cyberspace. clean conversation. really. somehow i felt that we are connected in a way. we have a lot of things in common and even if we haven't seen other face to face, it's like we've already known each other for a long time.

it all started with a simple "kamusta?" and "ingat" tapos ayun, i would say friendship started. we've met. coffee, then nasundan ng movie. tapos nasundan ng coffee. paulit ulit lang.

it came to the point na i felt something deeper than friendship. i longed for a romantic type of attention. a different level of affection.

i asked my self if i am ready to take the next level.

if i am ready to fall.

my answer was Yes.

but i forgot to ask myself if he is. if he will be there to break my fall and catch me whole-heartedly.

not as a friend this time.

and that simple mistake lead to something na pinagsisihan ko ng sobra.

but he took the right words. he chose the right way of letting me know what his response was.

and yes. if i were a boy, i COULD understand.

kaso nga lang hindi.

Bading Ba Si?

kung halimbawang pumatol siya sa bading?

That was the question my friend asked me one Saturday shift. While I am damn tired taking irate calls and occasional naps, I tried to think about it and made my neurons boggle.

Para saakin, gender is not a limited word. Maraming puwedeng ikahulugan ang kasarian ng isang tao. Pwedeng classified ang isang tao bilang lalaki o babae base at ayon sa kanyang pisikal na itsura, boses, haba ng buhok, laki ng dibdib, at kung anu ano pang pwedeng magdescribe sa pagkakaiba ng dalawang kasarian.

Pwedeng classified ang isang lalaki at babae bilang bakla o tomboy kung ang nasabing pisikal na kasarian ay salungat sa kanyang damdamin. Kung ang isang klase ng kasarian ay attracted sa katulad na kasarian.

i've asked different people about this. babae, lalaki, bakla, tomboy, lahat. syempre limited sa mga taong available sa oras na yon.

lalaki

oo naman. bakit ka pumatol? kung sa pera, malabo yun. kung mahal mo talaga ibig sabihin attracted ka, meaning bakla ka na rin kahit na mukha ka pang lalaki dahil pumatol ka sa kapwa mo lalaki.

babae

syempre, kasi meron namang baabe, bakit sa kapwa mo lalaki ka papatol at ganun din sa girls. basta same sex, mapa anupamang reason, basta pumatol, yun na yun.

bakla/tomboy

hindi. hindi ganun yun. basta.

sa aking pagiisip at nais kong sundan ang katagang basta, maraming tanong ang dapat hanapan ng kasagutan. sinubukan kong kumbinsihin ang aking sarili bago ang aking mga kausap. bakit nga ba pumatol si Lalaki sa Bading? totoo bang nararamdaman nya sa kapwa nya lalaki ang pagmamahal na nararamdaman nya galing sa babae? oo. pwede. pero kaya ba nya iparamdam ang pagmamahal sa isang bading gaya ng pagmamahal na kaya nyang ibigay sa mga kalahi ni eba?

yan ang malaking katanungan.

ewan ko. malay ko ba. anu nga ba ang dahilan ng mga salita na binibitawan niya?
ano nga ba ang kapalit ng mga halik at paglalambing niya?

CONVERTED ang tawag ko sa kanila. sa mga tipo ng lalaking lalaki talaga. may asawa, gf, o anu pa man. straight na lalaki pero may mga ugnayan sa bakla.

hindi ko masasabing bakla rin sila. maraming dahilan. pwedeng pera, (ouch) thrill, pagrerebelde, o dahil walang pwedeng eba kaya sa eba-ebahan na lang, may mga totoong umiibig dahil naoverwhelm sa pagmamahal na binibigay ni beki kumpara sa nakukuha ke asawa o girlfriend.

kung anu pa man, kagaya nga ng nauna kong salita, it's just a name for a certain type of people. what matters most is the amount of love that a person could offer to someone. babae man o unggoy. bakla man o tomboy.