beLIEver

I still think about you,
I still dream about you,
I still want you and need you by my side,
I'm still mad about you,
All I ever wanted was you,
Your still the one, your still the one,

--STILL, Bryan McNight

sometimes i wonder why the word "LIE" is needed to complete the word "BELIEVE". ironic as it may seem but i have to face the fact that part of what i believe is a lie. or everything. or nothing at all. who can say right?

i still believe that what we choose is who we are. and yes, sometimes it is hard to think what is the right thing to choose. what is the right thing to do. what is acceptable.

but who's who to say, right? who is who to tell me what to feel, think, and believe.

that is why i always end up being hurt. being deceived. being taken for granted.

who can blame me? i may be susceptible on what i always see. it may be the truth or a facade, i don't give a damn. i don't care at all. for as long as i could see (which is very artificial) that the person is sincere, i tend to give in. or they are just good on playing that part? maybe...

when i am in pain, i divert my thoughts to different perspectives. i tend to work and think a lot. but i came to realize that tiring myself to forget something or someone won't help me at all. all i need to do is to endure the pain, face the fact that i am hurt. i am devastated. and then i know in the end, (who knows when) i will be stronger.

karma is everywhere. the thought of it alleviates my suffering.